Labels are for food - why untitling works in my H/w relationship

The answers to this set of questions for week 3 of 30 Days(weeks) of D/s are pretty cut and dry, but here ya go!

What titles and labels do you prefer?

I call my Husband, Husband. I also call him Lover – as in, “Lover! your lunch is ready.” This is more playful and usually, I call him that when I’m in a fun mood. Most of the time, I simply call him by his first name. He has a strong aversion to being called Sir and definitely does not want to be Master. He is my husband, my partner in life, Dominant in personality and actions – absolutely! But I call him by his name and we like that just fine. One time, just before he was about to cum, he growled to me, “who’s your daddy?” and we both burst into uncontrollable laughter. There was definitely no, “oh, that’s hot, you’re my daddy. Grrr.” Nope, piles of giggles from both of us and then we weren’t even in the mood to keep fucking. For a few minutes anyway. He did want his orgasm after all, but the Daddy thing isn’t for him, which I’m glad for because I have a whole host of issues around being called baby girl or good girl. If that was something he wanted, I’d be willing to try to overcome them, but it would take a lot of concentrated time, effort, and therapy. We’re very compatible in that we both prefer to use our names most of the time. He calls me by my nickname, TJ, a lot. He calls me Love a lot, but that’s as far from the middle as we stray. He doesn’t like Babe or Baby, neither do I, so it works out really well for us!

Beyond the basic title of Dominant or submissive, are there other titles you prefer or are interested in exploring?

I was in a D/s relationship for a short time (almost 2 years), but it left me with such a bad taste in my mouth, I really have no desire to explore titles. I say I’m in an H/w relationship because my Husband is definitely my Dominant partner, I submit to him as such and he’s happy to be it. We have super kinky tendencies when it comes to sex, but we’re quite happy just being not quite vanilla.

Are there any that turn you off or don’t seem a good fit for you?

Baby girl, Good girl, slut, whore. Don’t call me any of those names. I won’t go to the headspace I used to, but because of my childhood, it definitely takes a bit of effort to climb out from where those send me.

Side Note: hearing other people called Baby girl or Good girl is okay for me now, I just can’t go there myself. Slut or whore will make me cringe no matter who's saying it or who it's being said to in any context. 

Some titles for Dominants may be Master, sir, Daddy, Mistress, Lady, etc. titles for submissives can be pet, baby girl, little one, boy, girl, etc.

Covered and covered.

Regardless of your relationship status, I think it's important to find what works for you and your partner - this applies to everything, but when talking about titles, you also have to take the time to explore your feelings and your partner's feelings on the issue. How does something feel when it rolls off your tongue? What thoughts or feelings are conjured when your partner calls you by a certain title or vice versa?

It's important to let go of what you think you should be called or should be okay with, and embrace what you want to be.

What makes you smile? What gets you hot? Because in the end, it's you and only you who needs to be happy with your choices. The rest of the world (or community) isn't living your life and doesn't walk in your shoes. So, be respectful, but remember it's ultimately, totally your choice.

This post may be a bit disappointing for some, and for that, I can only say the next one will probably be better! Join me next week when I'll tell you all about what I want and what you can do to make that happen - aka negotiation!

If you want a couple of great resources to explore your feelings about labels and titles, here are a some fantastic posts from Kayla Lords and Amy at Coffee & Kink, as well as one awesome podcast from Loving BDSM.

Using Labels to Figure Out Your Kinks (Loving BDSM podcast episode)

The Differences Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive, and Slave (A Sexual Being)

Competitive Submission, or: A Journey Through Labels (Coffee & Kink)

© 2017-2018 Hey, Mrs. Robinson | T.J Robinson