I am his because he is a man of integrity.
Integrity is one of those words that's thrown around without a lot of care. Unfortunately, it's one of those things that seems hard to find and doesn't mean much to most people anymore. My husband, however, has more integrity than anyone I know. He's the man who will do what's right no matter what. No matter what relationships he may lose, no matter what's on the line, no matter who he pisses off or disappoints, he's going to do the right thing.
I feel solid and secure with him because I never have to guess about what he'll do or how he'll respond in a given situation.
I'll give you two examples:
- There was a point in our relationship (non-married), where I was living in an un-healthy manner - mentally, emotionally, I was actually a wreck, self-destructive, in a really bad place. He tried to get me help, did all he could to love me out of the place I was in, but I couldn't accept it, wouldn't accept it. I continued on a path of self-destruction because I hated myself, hated my life. I don't know if I can actually express in words the level of hatred and self-loathing I held toward myself.
So I wouldn't accept help (and there's another post coming about that), I just continued in my self-destructive ways. So one day he told me, with tears streaming down his face, that he could no longer associate himself with me if I chose to continue the path I was on. That decision shattered him, but it was the right decision. He did the right thing, even though I left and we didn't see each other for a long time. He could have kept trying to hold onto me, to reach me, even at the detriment of his own mental and emotional well-being, but he did what was right, what was healthy. In an abbreviated answer to your question "how did you get back together?"...
One night, I lay in the bed of a man who said he loved me, but was as abusive to me as I was to myself, and I thought "this isn't what I want. This isn't how I want my life to go." So I got help, started turning myself around. It didn't happen overnight, and the process of us getting back together was slow and cautious, him testing me, seeing how committed I was to my health and to the health of our relationship.
Ultimately, I had to commit to myself first, to being the best person I could be, regardless of whether or not we were together, and that's what made the difference. I had to decide what kind of life I wanted, what kind of person I wanted to be, and that I was willing to do the dirty work to make that happen even if we never spoke again. We have the relationship we have today, because we both want to be the best versions of ourselves, and we want to share that with each other. Also, it just so happens that the areas where I need a little help are areas he's strong in, and visa verse.
One more example:
2. My husband works with athletes, youth and adult, and he's amazing. He is so good at what he does, such an excellent teacher/educator/coach. One of my favorite things is to watch him work, but here's where doing the right thing comes in.
He will not work with someone who isn't ready, or is not a good fit for his style of training. He will never take someone's money just because they're willing to give it. He will never say yes to working with a kid when there are circumstances that will make that a poor choice for the young athlete. He will always do right by his athlete, even when that means a decrease in the bottom line of his business. Money is not the motivator, even though yes, we run our own business, and yes, we understand the need to get paid!
What is in the best interest of the person seeking his time and attention is the most important thing, even when what's best for the person may be to not work with him (which is rarely the case!). He will tell someone the truth, even if they don't want to hear it. A parent could throw a limitless credit card to him and he wouldn't take it if it wasn't going to be what was best for the child.
Sometimes, people who don't know him very well, say my husband is too rigid. But do you know what? Those same people end up thanking him for it later, because he doesn't change his tune. There are never any guessing games when it comes to what he'll do, and that stability is more valuable than anything else.
I love my husband with every fiber of my being, but I'm his because he is a man of integrity.
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